Talking IAGSDC Blues

Steve Wellman who wrote and performed Talking IAGSDC Blues

The Talking IAGSDC Blues was written by Steve Wellman and first performed at the banquet of the 1995 IAGSDC convention Track II Chicago. Performed with solo guitar, this song captured the early history of the IAGSDC with humor and poignancy.

Lyrics

Written by Steve Wellman
Looking for something fun to do
Is a task I think we all pursue
In 1980 a gang of guys
Decided they should organize
And down there by the Everglades
They ladied in and men sashayed
A group like nothin' seen before
The mustangs galloped on the floor

They started to left allemande
At the other end of this fair land
According to some grand design
The Western Stars began to shine
(Well, really the Foggy City Dancers begot
the Western Stars who begot
The Midnight Squares but they were all
in San Francisco)

In Seattle it was quite the thing
They lined' em up to weave the ring
They packed'em in to cross trail thru
And Portland said "We'll square dance too"
They looked up North they said as one
"Squares Across the Border run"

And Albuquerque could not stand
To not have all do wrong way grand
And Phoenix thought it was not fair
For them to not sides face grand square
In Denver they were all the while
Promenading single file
And from the sides of those Rainbeaus
The Belles emerged with gaudy clothes

By now the clubs began mushrooming
In Washington the gays are zooming
Sacramento california twirl
Star thru, Times Squares, with your girl
Seattle started BOQ
If ramble is the thing for you
And Doppler Dancers did their A
Tucson smiled and rolled away

Then El Camino and Golden State
Will swing while Cleveland separate
And Prime 8 trade with Tinseltown
Baltimore'll wheel around
And it was 1988
When Chi-Town spread and circulate

Triangle Squares circle to a line
Independence chain in '89
Finest City flutterwheel
Charlie's Sunburst Wheel and deal
Grand River and Sequoia too
Have had enough to spin chain thru
And Heads to the Center came to be
'Cause Portland wished to pass the sea

In '91 from Calgary
Chinook began to 8 chain 3
And Desert Stars and Alamo
Showed all that they could do paso
Many clubs in '92
Said "We know how to left swing thru"
Tampa stood and said "We're set"
And Watertown, Connecticut

Wild Roses wrong way thar
Cotton Pickin' ·shoot that star
Milwaukee Cream box the gnat
Neon Squares U turn back
And '93 saw it was time
For Cadillac to bend the tine
Diablo Dancers pass and peel
Rocket City ferris wheel

And then last year in Washington
Ohio City joined the fun
With Rainbow Wranglers and M (but just one) C
They all star right with Royalty
Then everybody cheered with glee
We cast our eyes across the sea,
We saw Australia learn to fold
And circle right around the globe

I'm sure the callers will attest
That homosexuals dance the best
Yeah, us dykes and fags, we dance real smart
And callers saw if from the start
Sheffield and Marcum were in awe
Bennet, Fennel, Cavanaugh
Phil Payton called because of lack
Skip Barrett's the man dressed in black

And of course there's Mike and Johnny
Kephart, Waters, Hodge, Infanti
Uebelacker - we all know her
Billy Eyler, Harlan Kerr
Diven, Dawson, Bryant, Wood
We all thank you as we should
And we look forward to the day
When all we need is GCA
That's Gay Caller's Association in case you didn't get it

And who are they that led the way
For us to all be here today
The ones who said "Get off that chair
And grab a partner, join this square"
Folks like Freeman Stamper, lovely person
Agnes Smith, Doug McPherson
Jim McMahon, Myron Shalm
Karl Jaeckel, always calm

Men and women, they were mixin'
Andrea Barton and Tom Dixon
Dvorah Dnali, Marty Jerman
Ken DiGenova, Donald Durham
Dennis Ficken, Roger Perry
Brian Porcher and Scott Carey
Art Smith, Bob Jones and Russ King
Of Carol Roberts let us sing

Alan Johnson, Alan Hall
Stan and Bill are known by all
Kenneth Pollock and Bill Klein
Dean Hofmann and Bud Rhyne
Jeff Barlow and Ben Teller
In the attic or the cellar
They danced because they wanted to
Eddie Schellhous and Bill Depew

With enthusiasm they would gush
Ronald Douglas, Murray Lush
Ron Goodman, Jerry Cohen
No one did it all alone
I'll stop now dropping names in rhyme
But all do please keep in mind
Those three dozen names that you just heard
Was only the tip of the iceberg

Now comes the time to talk of drag
From pseudo-real to heavy scag
From daintiness to hard core art
Drag was present from the start
And from the'very start of this
They've got along in loving bliss
And Steffany and Bessie Mae
Must take their Geritol every'day

Now the Fistful of Crinoline's only claim to fame
Is that they had a real good name
And though it's cute, it's getting trite
The Bradley Girls still dress alike
What are the Rainbelles anyway
And of what earthly good are they
The Buxom Beauties - Cleveland's mess
Bizarre, white trash and talentless

The SheDevils without regret
Exude hairspray and body sweat
Wella Balsam, strange but true
Virginia Hamm is Toto II
And like big zits up in the sky
Are the Honky Tonk Queens of years gone by

Now Virginia Slim turned out to be
Honky Tonk Queen number one, two, and three
The next was Sibyl - she quit you know
And those who saw her and her show
Didn't have to look real hard or long
To now admit we're glad she's gone

Then Pam Demonium was the rage
(Her one and only time on stage)
I wish that I could say the same for
Tami Whatnotte or whatever Bob named her
Layona Davenport, the next queen there
A tacky, well-fed, high-heeled bear
And Dominque De Fontainebleau
Won and knew not what to do
(She didn't even have a clue)

Carmina Putana, the name says it all
A one-man sloppy, free-for-all
And when Moolina became Honky Tonk Queen #10
I said, "Why did they have to choose the cow again"
And Donna Matrix would not be beat
With women falling at her feet
While Lois stood there proud and wide
Always a bridesmaid never a bride

Before I go I have to mention
Thank you for your kind attention
Thank you just for being here
To help us grow another year
And rest assured I'm mighty proud
To say "I'm part of this here crowd"
For I look out at you and see
A family

About the Singer/Songwriter

Steve Wellman began losing his hair in his early 30's (about ten years ago), but it seems to have leveled off. Gay since conception, born a Hoosier, he moved to Chicago in 1975. Employed since 1980 as a clerk for a national passenger railroad corporation, he enjoys riding his 3rd-Grade Schwinn in the sunshine and walking along the beach. He began square dancing at an Indiana wedding around age 9, and found out in 1989 that it really was barn dancing when he began learning what we've all grown to love. Steve is a Libra, his rising star is Cancer. Happy, single, hopeful, he is listed in the Chicago Phone book and Bradley Bell. He is too big for his theological britches.

The Talking IAGSDC Blues took roughly seven months to write, and a year and a half to polish. It is a genuine labor of love and he is pleased and proud to share it with you.

---