Alan Jaffray
Frederick Alan Jaffray
12 Sep 1974 - 20 Jul 2023
Clubs & Associations
Quick Facts
- partner of Bex Clark
Obituary
Born in Santa Rosa, Alan Jaffray grew up playing chess and bridge with his dad. He excelled at school, especially math, testing out of high school at 14. His mother recalls his beaming face upon coming home and announcing: “I don’t have to be there anymore!” With a bachelor’s from Sonoma State before age 18, Alan moved to the University of Chicago for grad school in math. Alan discovered himself there, coming out as bisexual and polyamorous, and becoming a fixture at the U of C Bisexual Union over the next several years. After Chicago, Alan helped create a bridge-playing computer program in Eugene, OR, which competed in the world bridge tourney in Bermuda. In his early 20s Akamai hired Alan as a programmer.
Alan soon became a professional poker player, gambling in casinos as an advantage player, using his math skills to secure a comfortable living. Alan won "prizes" like cases of barbecue sauce and a singing-and-dancing stuffed Christmas iguana. His career led to a close friend giving a series of math lectures where some students refused to believe Alan is real, or that so many adventures and misadventures could originate from just one person. Alan cherished blurring the lines of gender expression, and over the past years took to wearing a small metal chain flogger clipped to the front belt loop of his jeans.
Alan made a life of caring for partners and friends in need. He proudly spoke out for pet progressive causes: reproductive justice and abortion access, transgender rights, and LGBTQ+ visibility. Alan loved cats, otters, juggling, many genres of music, trivia, and watching various sports, especially disc golf. He basked naked poolside at his home in northern California most days, and enjoyed making unusual cocktails. He had just agreed to polish up his square dancing skills to dance the moonshine tip in SF for 2025.
Alan is survived by his parents Mary Louise and John, his partner Bex Clark, his former partner Ted, and Ted’s two children Jackson and Milo. He is pre-deceased by his adored cats: Zan, Jayna, Ursa, and Ellie, and his dog Prancer.
Please adopt or foster your next cat from a local shelter, on Alan’s behalf.
Frederick Alan Jaffray was born in Santa Rosa, California. His parents realized he was an Alan days after he was born.
Alan showed his bright nature early on. He grew up living with his parents at a winery where his dad was an assistant winemaker. Alan organized a lemonade stand for kids and non-drinkers coming to wine tastings, his first business. He learned to play chess and bridge with his dad, and they competed in many bridge tournaments together.
Alan excelled at school, especially at math. He skipped a grade in elementary and completed AP Calculus by the end of junior high. Thanks to the advocacy of his favorite history teacher, Alan tested out of high school at 14. His mother recalls his beaming face upon coming home and announcing: “I don’t have to be there anymore [at high school]!” Alan completed a bachelor's degree at Sonoma State just before turning 18. He attended University of Chicago for graduate school in mathematics. Alan discovered himself there, coming out as bisexual and making lasting community. After a year, he left U of C for other projects: he helped create a bridge-playing computer program in Eugene, OR, that competed in bridge tournaments including the world bridge competition Bermuda Bowl. In Eugene he became a PhD student for a second time to be paid in research assistant hours. He stayed at Eugene for several years; he left upon realizing he did not intend to teach. A week later Akamai hired Alan in his early 20s as a programmer attached to customer support. He worked there until just after 9/11/2001.
Alan next began a career in professional poker and gambling in casinos as an advantage player, using his mathematics acumen to secure a comfortable living. Alan won "prizes" like cases of barbecue sauce and a singing-and-dancing stuffed Christmas iguana, and his advantage gambling career has led his close friend to craft a series of math lectures where some students refuse to believe he exists, or that so many adventures and misadventures could originate from just one person.
Alan was a doting son, a loving partner, and a caring stepfather figure, as well as a devoted friend to many different kindred spirits. He made a life of caring for others, both partners and friends in need, as well as feline companions, and an occasional dog. He was our tech guru, our mastermind, and an activist for progressive causes: electric vehicles infrastructure, reproductive justice, abortion access, transgender rights, and LGBTQ+ visibility. Alan loved cats, juggling, many genres of music, general knowledge trivia, and watching most sports, especially disc golf tournaments. He basked poolside at his house in northern California and enjoyed making unusual cocktails. Alan joyfully drove his red Tesla named Janet around California and Nevada for work and pleasure.
Alan is survived by his parents Mary Louise and John, by his partner Bex and former partner Ted, and by Ted’s children Jackson and Milo, as well as by cousins Nina, Andrew, Andrew’s wife and their children. He is pre-deceased by his adored cats: Zan and Jayna, Ursa, and Ellie, and by his dog Prancer.
Alan adored living with various spirited cats over his lifetime. Please adopt or foster a cat from your local shelter if you need more cat energy in your life.
A Public Service Announcement Epilogue:
Alan also strongly supported access to and increasing education about ketamine for use in treatment-resistant depression. He considered ketamine a transformative tool for his emotional well-being, and reported marked increase in his happiness in the 5 years he used this medication. He hoped to write about his experiences with taking this medication, and dreamed of being able to trip-sit individuals in a safe manner, to curate ketamine use for those curious about it.
There are multiple organizations that support ketamine research, including those that provide training for NPs and MDs to learn how to prescribe ketamine to those in need. In the future, with less stigma and more education around the potential of ketamine in modern psychiatric medicine, may brilliant humans like Alan experience more joy and less anxiety in their lives, via safe medically-vetted chemical interventions.
